bientot

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2026/03/remote-employee-is-doing-child-care-instead-of-working-sharing-hobby-photos-at-work-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=36951

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. I think my remote employee is doing child care when she should be working

I have an employee (we are all remote) who just returned to work from maternity leave. It’s been almost two months and I have noticed a couple of troubling patterns. I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but two other team members mentioned these same concerns to me.
1. She always has her camera turned off. This is not an issue for most meetings but, during our monthly all-team meetings, I have asked everyone to turn their cameras on. She has not turned hers on for either meeting since her return.
2. She is always on mute and, when she does come off mute to speak, I can always hear the baby. This has happened at least six times (different days of the week, different times of the day) since her return.

When she returned from leave, she transitioned to a new team (same role). I want to give her time to acclimate and rediscover her new normal as a mother of two, but I am worried that she does not have child care and that she is working while caring for her newborn.

I want to ask her about this but: (1) I don’t know what to say and (2) I don’t know if it is appropriate. Judging by her work so far, she seems to be transitioning to her new team very slowly and came up with basic, almost flimsy, goals for 2026, which I have asked her to redo. I am thinking it would be best to talk to HR to determine the best way forward.

It’s very, very normal to have policies requiring that people working remotely have child care for young kids so that they’re not trying to do both at once. Hopefully your company has that policy; if not, you might want to talk to HR about making it explicit.

Meanwhile, though, it’s entirely reasonable to tell her that she needs to take calls from a quiet place (another typical requirement of remote working). As part of that conversation, you can also ensure she knows she needs to have separate child care during her work hours.

Beyond that, focus on the work issues that you’re seeing. It does make sense to give people grace when returning from leave — but it’s not fair to others on your team for that to be indefinite. It’s ultimately a kindness to everyone you manage to be clear and direct about what you expect their work to look like and, if it’s falling short, about what needs to change. More on that here.

2. Should I buy a cake for a jerk who’s retiring?

Recently I’ve been asked to bring desserts for work events because a family member works at a bakery, so it’s easier for everyone. The company pays for it and I like helping, so I’m happy to do it. But now there’s a retirement party coming up in the summer that I want nothing to do with, and I don’t know how to say no gracefully if I’m asked to get a cake.

The person who’s being celebrated is higher up than me, and we have a tense history. He’s said some awful things to me, and although we’re civil now, I don’t like him or respect him. I don’t want to participate in any sort of party for him, and I definitely don’t want to provide the cake. It seems minor, but the thought of it feels really wrong. If I’m asked, is there a way to say no without being seen as difficult and dramatic?

There’s no professional, drama-free way of saying, “I’ll get cakes for everyone else but not for Dennis.” The best you could do is to come up with a cover story for why you’re not able to do it this time — “I’ve got a lot going on outside of work this month, so it would be better if someone else could take this one” or something along those lines.

Really, though, if you’re going to offer to take this kind of thing on, you’ve got to be prepared to do it equally and see it as like any other work task where you can’t pick and choose who benefits (or it’s clearly got nothing to do with your job and is obviously just a favor you’ve been doing, it might be better off leaving it entirely to the person whose job it does make sense for, not just this one time).

Alternately, get the cake and see it as a celebration of being rid of this guy!

3. Sharing photos of myself in tight workout clothes

I’m about to start a new job. I have a slightly unusual hobby as an aerial artist — I do aerial silks, a circus art involving climbing up and doing tricks on long fabrics that hang from a high ceiling. I think it’s generally an interesting fun fact about me, plus, as a mom I don’t have time for a ton of other hobbies, so if you ask me about my hobbies, that’s pretty much what I’ve got.

When I say that I do this, occasionally people want to see pictures or videos. I always hesitate, because any picture of me on the silks is also, by nature, a picture of me in tight workout clothes (think a close fitting shirt and leggings, or a unitard). What should I do if this happens? People have also asked to see me perform, which I don’t really feel comfortable with, but I wouldn’t mind sharing a picture from a performance as long as it wouldn’t be seen as inappropriate.

You sent me some super cool photos of this (I’m including one here with permission) and this is completely fine as long as you’re comfortable sharing them. You’re in appropriate garb for the activity and it’s not excessively revealing (plus these photos are taken from a distance away). If you’re comfortable sharing them, it’s not inappropriate.

4. I feel guilty about not having enough work to fill my time

I’m a salaried employee at a small business and have been here for about two years. I get regular raises and bonuses, meet deadlines, and stay responsive during business hours. My boss has explicitly said that workload fluctuates (“sometimes you might work 20 hours, sometimes 50”), and on average I probably have about 30 hours of actual work per week.

The issue is entirely internal: I feel a lot of guilt when my workload is light, especially early in the day. If I stay in the office with nothing pressing to do, I end up killing time (which feels dishonest). If I say I’m “working from home,” it often just means I’m done for the day, which also makes me feel dishonest even though I remain available and responsive.

No one has ever reprimanded me, and my boss has never said I’m doing anything wrong. The office culture is very flexible: people come and go as they please, my boss himself does non-work activities during the day, and there’s little emphasis on tracking hours. That said, I’m conflict-avoidant and tend to over-monitor myself, and I worry (without evidence) about how my time might be perceived.

I don’t want more work, and I don’t think there realistically is more to give me. I also don’t want to constantly check in with my boss, especially since he doesn’t seem to expect or model that. I know this is more about my own discomfort with unstructured time and trust than about performance. How do I get more comfortable with this kind of salaried flexibility without feeling like I’m doing something wrong? Is there a healthier way to think about light workloads and availability in roles like this?

There are some jobs, and it sounds like you’re in one of them, where part of what you’re being paid for is your availability if something does come up. In any given time block, maybe it will and maybe it won’t — but they need you there to handle it if it does. It sounds like your boss has explicitly told you this is the case (through both his words and his actions), and you should trust it: you’re being paid to be able to swing into action if they need you. That means that you can’t, for example, go to a movie or go hiking because you need to be around your computer. But you can do other non-work things that keep you available as soon as and if you’re needed.

The post remote employee is doing child care instead of working, should I buy a cake for a jerk who’s retiring, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2026/03/remote-employee-is-doing-child-care-instead-of-working-sharing-hobby-photos-at-work-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=36951

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2026/03/i-cant-afford-to-stay-at-my-job-without-a-large-raise.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=36712

A reader writes:

About two years ago, I had just started working at a major media company on the east coast, making good money. I was able to be the sole breadwinner for my family of four.

Due to a complicated family situation, we were forced to move to the middle of the country to be near my in-laws. My job could not transfer, so I got a favor from my dad to get a remote job at his company, taking a major pay cut in the process. It was still enough to take care of everyone with the lower cost of living, and it was well above the average of the area.

About nine months later, that company had a major restructuring and I was laid off. I had to scramble to find any work that paid even close to what I was making. I was able to get a contract with a local government agency that was open ended, but I had to take a rate well below my comfort level.

The people at my work seem to like what I can provide them with and want to keep me around. With my one-year anniversary coming up, I asked my boss for a raise that was higher than a cost-of-living adjustment. He seemed amiable and said he would do his best. I did not have a hard figure to give him at the time.

However, I finally have some hard numbers to work with, and I am now panicking. After fixed expenses, I have just above $1,000 a month for all incidentals, such as food, fuel, stuff for the kids, etc. We try to be as frugal as possible, but we are still spending at least double that every month on a “middle class” lifestyle.

I have realized that I am going to need a raise of over 10% of my current salary for us to get above water. However, I know that government jobs pay poorly compared to the private sector, and that is going to be a hard lift. I am willing to get more education (they will pay for it) and do different shifts, etc. to try to negotiate. However, if I can’t get that amount of a raise, I literally cannot afford to work for them without a second job.

I could tell them that I will have to look for another job, but considering this is my fourth job in three years, I don’t know how many companies are going to take me seriously. I also do not want to burn a bridge because poor money is still better than no money.

My wife could work, but the only work she is qualified to do now would not pay for the childcare expenses that we would incur. My parents are not available, and hers are close but not close enough to be free babysitting.

What do you recommend that I do here? What is the best way to tell my boss that the raise they offer is not enough? Do I just accept it and tighten our belts more? Do my wife or I bite the bullet and get another job?

You can’t really ask for a raise based on your living expenses; what employers pay you is based on the value of your work to them and the market rate for that work in your geographic area. That’s particularly true in government, where pay rates tend to be highly regimented and your boss isn’t likely to have much flexibility.

So: is the amount you want to ask for reasonably aligned with the market in your area and justified by the level you’re contributing at? If so, go ahead and ask for it! Who knows, maybe you’ll get it. But if it’s wildly outside the realm of what the work normally pays, you’re likely to come across as out of touch (and are very unlikely to get it).

In some situations where you’re highly valued and have a good rapport with your boss, you could lay your cards on the table and say something like, “I’ve run the numbers and to stay long-term, I’d need to be earning $X. Is that realistic here or not something you could do?” Note that’s not getting into the reasons why, which ultimately aren’t relevant to your employer. It’s just moving straight to the bottom line, while acknowledging that it might not be possible. And even then, I wouldn’t do it if you know the number will seem colossally outside the norm for the field (although 10% probably isn’t).

But ultimately, if the job doesn’t pay what you need to earn, the options are to find ways outside this employer to bring in more income — whether that’s adding a second job, moving into a different job, or whatever else you come up with. The job pays the range it pays.

Related:
the Ask a Manager guide to asking for a raise

The post I can’t afford to stay at my job without a large raise appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2026/03/i-cant-afford-to-stay-at-my-job-without-a-large-raise.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=36712